That’s Intriguing #93: Have the Difficult Conversation OUT LOUD – Instead of In Your Head

“That silence you just heard was me speaking my mind.” – coffee mug slogan

Did you ever watch the TV sitcom Friends?

Remember Phoebe, the self-described blonde ditz who sang, “Smelly cat, smelly cat?”

In one episode, Phoebe was complaining to Joey about something her brother did.

After listening for awhile, Joey interrupts her and says, “Phoebe, have you told your brother how you feel?”

She looks at him and says, “Yes… well, not out loud!”

Sound familiar?

Is there someone at work who’s mistreating you, making you miserable or driving you crazy?

Do you lay awake at night, reliving what you WISHED you’d said, over and over in your head?

Have you been telling everyone BUT the person who’s bothering you how outraged or offended you feel?

Studies show that’s what many of us do because we’re conflict averse.

We avoid confrontations because we don’t like to fight and we don’t want to make things worse. We just want to “keep the peace.”

Unfortunately, it’s hard to keep the peace with someone who’s making war on you.

What’s worse is … silence sanctions.

If you’re not saying anything to the person who is behaving in inappropriate ways; they’re “getting away with it” or they’re assuming it must not bother you too much because you’re not calling them on it.

Jack Canfield says, “People treat us the way we teach them to treat us.”

When we “turn the other cheek,” we TEACH people it’s okay to keep mistreating us. We’re showing them we won’t hold them accountable and we won’t speak up for ourselves.

You have a voice. Use it.

It’s time to say “No. Enough. Stop.”

The good news is, there are diplomatic ways to do this so you won’t lose your job … even if the person bothering you is your boss.

Here’s a sample scenario.

Imagine someone at work likes to get a rise out of female employees by saying things like, “You women are SO emotional” or “You always get stressed out.”

This person is senior to you so you’ve felt it wasn’t “your place” to let him know his sweeping generalizations are not true or fair.

Please recognize; it IS your place to establish and enforce boundaries to let people know they can’t “talk all over you.”

As Ann Landers loved to say, “People can’t walk all over you unless you lie down.”

Here are four ways you can use Tongue Fu!® to diplomatically, yet firmly, speak up for yourself.

1. If possible, address this issue in private instead of in public.

Calling someone out in front of others causes them to lose-face.

They will resent you – even if what you’re saying is true. They may feel a compulsion to escalate in an effort to put you down so they’re back “on top.”

2. Do NOT deny, defend or disagree with their sweeping accusations.

Denials backfire.

Think about it. If you say, “We are NOT emotional!!” or “I am NOT getting stressed-out” … you are.

3. Instead, put the conversational ball in THEIR court by asking, “What do you mean by that?” or “What makes you think that?”

Then, put a sock in it.

Asking a question gives them an opportunity to explain themselves. They have to give a specific example of what makes them say this. If they can’t; they’ll often back off or back down.

If they have a legitimate reason or explanation for what they believe, even if you don’t agree with it, at least you now know what’s REALLY going on and you can discuss that instead of reacting to their attack.

4. Another option is to simply repeat what they said as a question, emphasizing the extreme word.

“Really? ALL women are emotional?” “Is is true I ALWAYS get stressed out?”

Repeating an outrageous over-statement is one way to make it clear you’re not going to suffer in silence and passively allow them to throw around disparaging comments.

Remember; don’t pull a Phoebe.

Holding people accountable IN YOUR HEAD helps no one.

Speak up, in the moment, when people say inappropriate things so you’re teaching them to treat you and others with the respect we all want, need and deserve.

Did you like this tip?

There are dozens more in Sam Horn’s book Tongue Fu!®, which is currently ranked #3 on the Korean bestseller list, has been published in 17 languages around the world, and has been taught to such organizations as the U.S. Embassy in London, the U.S. Navy, Boeing, ASAE and Honolulu Police.

Tongue Fu!® is now available in a Kindle version so you can access it right here, right now on your e-reader.

 

That’s Intriguing #86: Sam Horn and the Intrigue Agency Open Nominations for the 2012 POP! Hall of Fame

  “The best way to corner a niche is to create a niche.  And the best way to create a niche is to … coin your own word.” – Sam Horn

Encountered a couple of early entries for the 2012 POP! Hall of Fame … and thought I’d share them to kick-start your  thinking about what newly-coined  NURDS (New Words) you’d like to submit for this year’s contest.

Previous winners have included:

*  Diabesity:  Dr. Francine Kaufman’s term for the epidemic of Type 2 Diabetes that is triggered by obesity.

*  Snuba:  It’s half snorkel and half scuba … and it’s a new multi-million dollar industry.

*  Freakonomincs:  Are you going to run right out and buy the latest tome on economics?  Probably not.  But authors Dubner and Levy turned their concept into an international brand – movies, media appearances, blogs, 6-figure consulting contracts – by giving it a first-of-its-kind name that appealed to the masses.

*  A.W. Shucks:  What else would you call an oyster bar in Charleston, SC?

*  Yappy Hour:  The Holiday Inn in Alexandria, VA has received millions of dollars of free press due to its innovative Friday night “petworking” opportunities for dogs.

*   YOUmanity:  Aviva came up with the ideal name for their “chain of kindness” philantrhopy campaign

*  Geek2Geek.com:  Think Match.com for pocket protector types.  As one personal ad proclaimed, “Tall, dork and handsome.”

*  SerenDestiny®:  Okay, I admit it, I’m partial to this one because it’s the title of my next book.  And like Tongue Fu!®, I’ve been able to trademark SerenDestiny® which means it can be merchandised and monetized … in perpetuity.

*  Java Jacket:  You can’t build a business around an un-prounounceable name.  So Jay Sorenson gave those “cardboard insulating sleeves” you put around your cup of coffee an easy-to-say-and-remember name.

*  Revenew:  Just met the founder of this start-up in NYC at the WOIS Summit.  You’ve heard of Spell Check?  This is a fantastic example of a POP! technique called Spell Chuck.  Chuck the normal spelling of a word and come up with your own.  Brilliant.

*Tiecoon:  This shop in NYC’s Penn Station – which sells neckties to Wall Street financiers – stopped me in my tracks and motivated me to snap a photo.  Which is the point.  If it’d been named Jack’s ties, I would have walked on by and not even noticed it.   Does your store name have people at hello?

Now, in case you’re thinking, “Okay, these are clever names.  Big whoop.”

Please understand … NURDS aren’t petty; they’re profitable.

This is not wordplay…this is wordcash.

ALL of these names have helped their products, businesses or services STAND OUT and get noticed, remembered … and rich.

Several of these names have generated millions in revenue for their owners.

In fact, as Jay Sorenson, originator of Java Jackets says, “Customers who meant to call my competitors actually end up calling me …because they can’t remember my competitors’ names.”

So, what first-of-its-kind business, book, product, store names have you seen this year?  What intriguing NURD popped out and got your attention?

Submit your entry by email to Sam@IntrigueAgency.com for the 2012 POP! Hall of Fame contest … and send a photo if you’d like. 

We’ll post the best NURDS 0n our blog and on our Facebook page. 

Winning entries who make the final Top 10 Winners in the 2012 POP! Hall of Fame get a free copy of POP!  … or your choice of any of our  books.

 

That’s Intriguing #14: Want People’s Attention? Make ’em Laugh

“I learned at an early age that when I made people laugh, they liked me.” – Art Buchwald

This is a continuation of a series of how to capture attention online and in person with intriguing communication.

Tip #3 in the series is to Make ’em Laugh.

It’s based on the premise that we’ve got 30 seconds MAX to capture busy people’s attention. One of the best ways to do that? Get people to smile, chuckle or laugh out loud.

I told that to one client who had flown in for the weekend to consult with me on how to scale her business to the next level. She is aleady a highly successful keynote speaker and consultant in the healthcare industry, but knows she’s leaving money on the table. She is also really, really serious.

She said, “Sam, I’m not funny.”

I said, “Want good news? You don’t have to be. Other people are funny and you can hook and hinge their one-liners (with attribution) to your topic so you preface ‘aha’s’ with ‘haha’s.'”

She said, “But I’m not good at telling jokes.”

I told her, “Good, because that’s NOT what I’m talking about. Jokes come across as ‘canned’ and they often backfire. What I’m talking about is taking a one-liner that’s relevant to your topic and starting off with it to get a SMILE that favorably predisposes people to like you and what you say next.”

For example, if you’re talking about procrastination, you could quote Judy Tenuta, “My parents always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinated so much. I told ’em, ‘Just you wait.'”

Then, segue into your subject, “Are you waiting to schedule that physical exam? Are you procrastinating on seeing your doctor because you hope that ache will go away? Well, in today’s program . . . ”

I also told her, “When something funny happens to you, write it down, and figure out how you can include it in your work.”

For example, I was in the San Francisco airport, riding one of those ‘lazy sidewalks’ on the long walkway to the gates. I noticed a very tall man walking toward me. I couldn’t believe it. People in front of me were pointing at him and laughing. I thought, ‘How rude!’

As he got closer, I could see why they were laughing. He had on a t-shirt that said in very large letters, “No, I’m NOT a basketball player.”

I turned to say something to him and laughed out loud as soon as I saw the back of his t-shirt. It said, “Are you a jockey?”

I had to meet this Fun Fu! black belt. I got off the lazy sidewalk and raced back to catch up with him. I complimented him on his great sense of humor and asked, “Where’d you get your shirt?”

He smiled and said, “I grew a foot between the ages of 13 and 16. I didn’t even want to go out of the house because I was so self-conscious and everyone had to make a smart aleck remark.

My mom finally said, ‘If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.’ She’s the one who made this shirt for me. This is nothing. I’ve got a whole drawer-full of these at home. My favorite says, “I’m 6’13 and the weather up here’s fine.”

The point?

I use this story in my Tongue Fu! presentations to illustrate the power of having a clever, noncombative comeback for sensitive issues. If you’re tall, short, fat, skinny, bald or have acne; you’re going to hear about it. You might as well develop a repertoire of Fun Fu! remarkes so you can have fun with that issue instead of being frustrated by it.

As Erma Bombeck said, “If you can laugh at it; you can live with it.”

Next time, you’re communicating about a serious or sensitive issue, preface it with humor. People will be a lot more likely to like and listen to what you have to say.

Edward de Bono said, “It has always surprised me how little attention people pay to the power of humor since it is a more persuasive process of mind than reason. Reason can only sort out perecptions, humor changes them.”

Agreed. Would you like to learn how to use Fun Fu! to capture and keep attention for your work? Check out my books Tongue Fu!® and POP!
Both have chapters on how to use humor to get people’s favorable attention. Read ’em and reap.

 

That’s Intriguing #3: Creative Ways to Capitalize on Holiday Slogans

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world.” – Norman Vincent Peale

Wouldn’t it be great if you could wave a magic wand over your marketing copy to bring it to life so it captures people’s imagination?

You can. While the year-end holidays are almost over; there is still a marketing lesson to be learned from them.

In the past week, I’ve seen three clever movie-video ads which riffed off traditional Christmas songs to produce smile-inducing taglines.

The first introduced the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD with WRECK THE HALLS.

You can probably see the next one coming — SHREK THE HALLS.

The third featured a sheep with the pig and spider from Charlotte’s Web with the caption FLEECE NAVIDAD.

Then there was the romance novel featured in the store window of a major bookstore. It featured a Fabio look-alike stretched out on a fur rug in front of a Yule log fire. The title? THE KNIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

Valentine’s Day is only 8 weeks away.

Could you tie in your marketing slogan to a popular love song that is frequently mentioned along with that holiday? It could make your idea or offering more topical so it builds buzz, goes viral online and captures attention from the media and potential customers.

Just write up and review copy that describes your offering (whether that’s a business, product, service, book, movie, website, or blog post).

Now, pull out out ten key words you frequently use when explaining what your program/product is or does.

Now, visit http://www.freelyrics.com and enter those words into the search engine one at a time. Up will come a variety of song titles with “your” phrases.

Now, let the word play begin.

Substitute key words in a well-known lyric or popular song title with words related to your offering so that familar lyric has an unexpected twist.

You know you’ve come up with a catchy promotional campaign when the “new” phrase POP!s and brings a smile to your lips and heart.

See how this works?

Want more ways to create attention-grabbing titles, taglines, business names and brands? Check out my book POP! (Perigee-Penguin) which has dozens of examples and techniques you can use to create marketing slogans that get your priority noticed . . . for all the right reasons.

Here’s the link to Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/POP-Create-Perfect-Tagline-Anything/dp/0399533613/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261595555&sr=8-1

And here’s just one of the 44 Five Star Reviews Amazon readers have given POP! Thanks R. Johnson for your great comments below!

“POP! is probably the most interesting, fast moving book about marketing that I have ever read. From the first page, it was one of those “can’t put it down until the last page” book. This book is real—-and written for real people. No pretense, just facts and incredibly insightful information. It’s definitely a must read for anyone who needs a fresh perspective for marketing.”

 

That’s Intriguing #26: The Top 10 Intriguing Quotes of All Time

“The secret to creativity is to say an old thing in a new way or a new thing in an old way.” – Richard Harding Davis

I guess you can tell I love quotes . . .

Fresh quotes are a quick way to get our message’s foot in our readers’ and listeners’ mental door.

Why?

When we introduce something people haven’t heard before; they want to know more.

Here, as promised, are my 10 favorite quotes of the more than 2000 featured in my books POP! Tongue Fu!®, ConZentrate, Take the Bully by the Horns, What’s Holding you Back? and the upcoming SerenDestiny.

Hope you enjoy them and can use them to spice up your articles, blogs and presentations so people are motivated to pay attention to what you have to say.

1. “If there were a rehab for curiosity; I’d be in it.” – CBS news anchor Diane Sawyer

2. “I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We’re going to call it On and On Anon.” – comedian Paula Poundstone

3. “When I die, I want to come back as . . . me.” – NBA team owner Mark Cuban

4. “I am in love with hope.’ – Tuesdays with Morrie Author Mitch Albom

5. “There’s no such thing as a wrong note as long as you’re singing.” – singer Pete Seeger

6. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – columnist Maureen Dowd

7. “There is moment in every child’s life where a door opens and lets the future in.” – author Graham Greene

8. “What a wonderful life I’ve had. I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” – singer Colette

9. “Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, ‘I am with you, kid. Let’s go.'” – author Maya Angelou

10. Before there were drawing boards, what did we go back to?” – comedian George Carlin

Oh what the heck – I’m on a roll and can’t stop.

Here are some more quotes that get people’s eyebrows up (a sure sign of intrigue).

I use them in my programs to keep people on the edge of their mental seats – and you can too.

11. “Guard your good mood.” – Academy Award-winning actress Meryl Streep

12. “To do what you love and feel that it matters; how could anything be more fun?” – Katherine Graham of the Washington Post

13. “People treat you the way you teach them to treat you.” – author Jack Canfield

14. “Teachers affect eternity. Who knows where their influence will end?’ – Henry Brooks Adams

15. “I have the world’s best job. I get paid to hang out in my imagination all day.” – author Stephen King

16. “Let us then, be up and doing.” – author Longfellow

17. “I have found if you love life, life will love you back.” – composer/painist Arthur Rubenstein

18. “Everyone thinks of changing the world, no one thinks of changing himself.” – author Leo Tolstoy

19. “If you wait to write, you’re not a writer, you’re a waiter.” – self-publishing pioneer Dan Poynter

20. “It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. Intuition tells the thinking mind where to look next.” – Jonas Salk

21. “”The world was shocked to learn I wrote a bestseller at 66. No matter how long you live, you have stories to tell. What else is there to do but head off on the Conestoga wagon of the soul?” – Pulitzer Prize winning author Frank McCourt (Angela’s Ashes)

22. “Is there ever any particular spot where one can put one’s finger and say, “It all began that day, at such a time and such a place, with such an incident?’ – Agatha Christie

23. “The purpose of life is to . . . matter; to feel it has made some difference that we have lived at all.” – Leo Rosten

24. “When you can do a common thing in an uncommon way; you will command the attention of the world.” – inventor George Washington Carver

25. “Creativity is based on the belief that there’s no particular virtue in doing things they way they’ve always been done.” – Rudolph Flesch

Like these?

Imagine an ENTIRE book with current quotes from today’s top icons, influeners and innovators.

You don’t have to imagine it.

I’ve created it.

It’s called Current Quotes – and it’s available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle. 

Click here to purchase Current Quotes on Amazon.com

Here’s what former President of Toastmasters International, Bennie E. Bough, had to say about it.

“Looking for the right quote to take your message to the next level? This book is a powerful resource.”

Here’s former President of National Speakers Association Glenna Salsbury’s recommendation …

“Looking for inspiring wisdom and evovative insights? These 365 quotes will motivate you to look at life with fresh eyes and renewed enthusiasm. Truly a transformational treasure!”

Want to spice up your next spoken or written communication?

Don’t bore people with blah, blah, blah.

Get their eyebrows up in the first 60 seconds by introducing something intriguing they haven’t heard before.

Then, hoook and hinge that insightful or funny quote back to your audience and your topic so everyone in the room understands how this point relates to them.

You’ll find out HOW to hook and hinge quotes into your material in the special section in the back of my Current Quotes book.

You can order it now and have it on your e-reader in a couple minutes so you can immediately integrate these clever, creative, compelling quotes into YOUR next staff meeting, sales presentation or blog post.

Click here to purchase Current Quotes on Amazon.com